The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #29

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 29 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Michelle: I am still trying to get used to being back in Washington since leaving Hawaii. Can't we go back on Christmas vacation?

Barack: Well, we are back now. And back to the headaches that come with Washington. I'm still stunned by Bill Daley resigning.

Michelle: Well, I'm still pissed about that book Jodi Kantor put out. I mean everyone has disagreements.

Barack: Well, there were times you did get pretty upset with Rahm!

Michelle: Yeah, well there were times I got pretty upset with you, big ears!

(In walks Michelle's friend Leroy)

Leroy: Hello "big ears!"

Barack: Oh, no!

Michelle: Good morning, Leroy! What brings you to Washington?

Barack: More importantly, how did you get past security?

Michelle: Stop!

Leroy: And it's always a blast to see you, Mr. President!

Michelle: What's been happening with you?

Leroy: Not much! I read in the National Enquirer that you were having an affair with a Secret Service Agent! But I did make a top 100 list. So what's the possibility of having this nice lady over for a private breakfast and meeting with y'all?

Michelle: Let's see what we can arrange, huh Barack? And, no to the affair, Leroy!

Leroy: Just kidding!

Barack: Sure. No problem.

Leroy: So, Michelle, have you finally gotten over the "big butt" comment that Congressman made about you? You were mighty angry when you called me from Hawaii!

Barack: Congressman Sensenbrenner. He apologized.

Michelle: Leroy, I am over it, but Barack, I am tired of these people that think they can say what they want and then apologize for it later as if it wasn't a big deal.

Leroy: Hell yeah! I mean look at his lard ass! He has the nerve to talk about you. You are probably the most physically fit FLOTUS in 100 years. I bet Sensenburger, or whatever his name is, has never passed by a pulled pork sandwich or extra large pizza in his life without drooling!

Barack: SENSENBRENNER! Now, let's be nice.

Michelle: Nice?! C'mon Barack! You know what it is? It's that white male privilege. You know, the part where they get to say what they want about black women and we're supposed to shut up and take it. He would never fix his mouth to say anything like that about any of the prior first ladies. Well, mainly because he would have a biscuit with gravy in it!

Barack: (Erupts in laughter)

Leroy: No you didn't Michelle! Ha ha ha ha!!!

Barack: By the way, you do have a nice butt, babe!

Michelle: Thank you, honey! (kisses, Barack)

Leroy: Ole' Lardo Sendsomeburgers is just jealous. Probably wishing he could slink around in the slave quarters.

Barack: 'Swing low, sweet chariot!'

Michelle: 'I got-a-wings, you got-a-wings, all God's chillun' got-a-wings!'

Barack, Michelle, Leroy: (All burst into simultaneous laughter)

Leroy: So, Mr. President, how is your re-election looking?

Barack: Well, Leroy, with Herman Cain out of the race, no worries!

Leroy: That dude sure did fizzle fast! The ladies were coming out of the woodwork. They should have named him "Candy Cain!"

Michelle: He must have had some sweet stuff! 'Hey ladies, take a ride on the Cain Train!'

Barack: Choo choo!!

Leroy: All ladies aboard!!!

Barack: But seriously, my chances are looking better and better. Newt Gingrich? Mitt Romney? I don't think so!

Michelle: Don't get big-headed, big ears!

Barack: Michelle! As long as Newt keeps making those idiotic statements, he can forget it. There are more white people in this country on food stamps. Not hard to find out. He is trying to play to a certain segment of his Republican base. And his love life? The Republicans are full of it when it comes to "family values" and caring for people. When they blinked on extending payroll tax cuts, I knew I had them! And John Boehner - what a joke! I had him crying in the Oval Office!

Leroy: Romney?

Barack: The fact that he "likes to fire people" is not sitting well with the many unemployed people in this country and if he gets the GOP nod, I will not let America forget it. Bring it on! He's toast!

Michelle: Leroy, I generally don't like Barack to take things for granted but I have to agree with him.

Leroy: Romney reminds me of that hypothetical white guy that claims he has "black friends."

Michelle: Yeah, somebody he "met" 20 years ago and hasn't seen since!

Barack: Yeah! That same type that comes to a meeting comprised of mostly black people and he addresses them as "brothas and sistas!"

Leroy: And then starts talking about how he loves corn pone, turnip greens and chitlins'!

Michelle: Ha ha ha!!!! If you have never invited your "black friends" to your house, they aren't your "friends!"

Barack: Yep. No worries. The Republicans blew their chances! Ha ha ha! I'm just sitting back waiting!

Leroy: Mr. Prez, you got swagger!

Barack: "No one in the GOP has swagger like us!"

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2012 - Dexter Yarbrough