The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #24

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 24 in the series.

*The President and family vacationing on Martha's Vineyard.

Michelle: What a nice bike ride, huh?

Barack: Yes. I love it here. This has been a great vacation! Except for this pesky fly that keeps following me!

Michelle: Where did the girl's go?

Barack: They went the other way down the beach. Your mother is with them.

Michelle: We have had a rough couple of weeks, Barack.

Barack: Yeah, I need a dose of Leroy!

Michelle: Well, Leroy had to attend summer school.

Barack: Wait! OK, the Secret Service moved away. It's beautiful on the beach. Go ahead.

Michelle: He was given a relatively easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put the following words in a sentence.

Barack: (begins giggling)

Michelle: I haven't said anything yet!

Barack: I know! I know!

Michelle: CATACOMB: Don King was at the fight the other night. Man, somebody give that CATACOMB!

Barack: Ha ha ha!!!

Michelle: STAIN: My cousin asked if I was STAIN for dinner!

Barack: (laughing loudly)

Michelle: FORECLOSE: If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money FORECLOSE!

Barack: Ha ha ha! For clothes! Ha ha ha!!!

Michelle: RECTUM: I had two Cadillac's, but my ol' lady RECTUM both!

Barack: Oh, God! Ha ha ha!!! (continues laughing hysterically)

Michelle: TRIPOLI: I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't find no TRIPOLI!

Barack: Triple E! Whoo!! Ha ha ha ha!!!

Michelle: Alright! That's enough of Leroy for one day.

Barack: (crying from laughing so hard) Man! That stuff is so funny.

Michelle: Barack, we need to talk about what's happening with your base. It is eroding.

Barack: C'mon, Michelle! I was having such a good time. Don't worry about it. The Illuminati, Soros and the Rothchild's have it all sewn up for me!

Michelle: How about I tell the jokes, nut!

Barack: (sighs) What is it?

Michelle: Barack, you are losing support in the Jewish community. I mean they have feelings that range from suspicion to hostility. You are losing the support of some of your Jewish donors.

Barack: We have started to reach out to them, Michelle.

Michelle: If you were to keep a better relationship with them, there would be no need to "reach out." Barack, AIPAC had to send messages to their delegates not to boo you at their recent conference!

Barack: It's still early, Michelle. It will all come together.

Michelle: Oh? Still early? What about the Latino community? Your numbers are down, Barack. Luckily, Latinos aren't too willing to support Republicans.

Barack: I have met with Latino leaders and I went to Puerto Rico. I can't do much about immigration reform without Republican support in Congress.

Michelle: The point is that you have all but ignored them since you took office. And what about the record number of deportations?

Barack: Well, I have to enforce the law, Michelle.

Michelle: You are the law, Barack! Come up with a more sensitive policy. This is an executive branch issue. You do have some control!

Barack: Alright. I'll see what I can do.

Michelle: And what about the liberals? Did you know that there are websites like "Progressives Against Obama" and "Democrats Against Obama?"

Barack: I can't please everyone!

Michelle: It's not about pleasing, Barack! It was supposed to be about change!

Barack: Can we go back to the jokes? We are supposed to be on vacation.

Michelle: If you can take time out to find out what's happening with Libya and the Colonel, you can listen to me!

Barack: (sarcastically) Yes? And?

Michelle: (lifts self out of beach chair, hands on hips, head and neck twisting) And? And?

Barack: (looking up at Michelle) C'mon, Michelle.

Michelle: And...what about that bus tour? Three days in the "heartland!" On a bus made in...

Barack: Let's be fair, Michelle! That bus was purchased by the Secret Service for security purposes.

Michelle: (sitting down again) Alright. But you took a bus tour, Barack and you didn't even go into the black communities. You have got to stop taking black voters for granted!

Barack: I'm not! I sent senior White House advisers to black communities to let them know what we have done to improve the quality of life for blacks.

Michelle: Yeah, well they need to see you, not some token advisor! While the unemployment rate among blacks is heading upwards towards seventeen percent, according to the numbers your folks put out, your approval ratings have dropped from ninety-five percent to eighty-one percent. The truth of the matter is we both know that black unemployment is really around thirty percent.

Barack: Blacks will vote for me Michelle. Just give it a little time.

Michelle: While we "give it a little time" some blacks are planning to sit out 2012, Barack. They may not vote against you, but many aren't going to vote for you. Now, Congresswoman Maxine Waters and Congressmen Elijah Cummings and John Conyers are speaking out against you. Not to mention Tavis Smiley and Cornel West.

Barack: Michelle, blacks and other voters had expectations that I could not have possibly satisfied. I am doing the best I can with what I have to work with.

Michelle: My purpose is not to get on your case. But sometimes you just don't seem as if you know what is happening. You have to be more forceful and you have to appeal to your base again!

Barack: I know what's happening and what people think. I see my poll numbers everyday. And the poll numbers are way down for Republicans in Congress as well.

Michelle: You won't be running against Congress. You'll be running against a hungry opponent wanting to send us back into private life.

Barack: (sitting back in his beach chair) I'm not worried at all!

Michelle: Well, I have another Leroy joke for you!

Barack: Good! We're supposed to be relaxing. I hope it's funny!

Michelle: DECIDE: After four years in office, and forgetting to appeal to your base, you better have a couple of jobs on DECIDE.

Barack: Michelle, that's not funny!

Michelle: DISMAY: If you don't get your act together, when the voter totals come back in 2012, your campaign manager may say, "Mr. President, DISMAY hurt a little."

Barack: I said I needed a dose of Leroy. Not a shot in the butt!

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough