The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #26

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 26 in the series.

Barack: (Entering the White House kitchen, smiling) Good morning, Michelle!

Michelle: Good morning. Why are you skinnin' and grinnin'?

Barack: I am just happy to see you!

Michelle: Oh. I thought you had been listening to Bill Clinton tell you about his under-the-desk, mouth-to-genitals love stories.

Barack: Michelle! The kitchen staff is nearby! And no, I haven't been talking to Bill Clinton! Although, he does have some great stories!

Michelle: Whatever!

Barack: What are you having for breakfast?

Michelle: I don't know. TYRONE!

Tyrone: (Presents himself to the President and First Lady) Good morning!

Michelle: Good morning. What do you suggest for breakfast?

Tyrone: Yes, ma'am! I would suggest the brouillade de truffes and the crepes with salted butter caramel.

Barack: What's brou-

Tyrone: It's a special eggs with black truffles recipe.

Michelle: You're just going to gulp it down without tasting it anyway!

Barack: We will have what you suggested, Tyrone. Thanks.

Tyrone: Yes, Mr. President.

Michelle: Tyrone, are you preparing our meal?

Tyrone: No, ma'am. I have some guest chefs in from Paris. They will prepare breakfast this morning.

Michelle: OK, great. Let them know what we will be having and come back and join us for a moment.

Tyrone: Right away, ma'am! (leaves to place order)

Barack: What do you want to talk to him about?

Michelle: Tyrone has a sense for what is happening in the world. I just want to get his feel on a few issues.

Barack: Well don't embarrass me. You tried that the last time you had him "talk" with us.

Michelle: Now why would I want to embarrass you? You do so well on your own!

Barack: Michelle!

Michelle: Just kidding! Can't you take a joke?

Barack: Yep. I married you! Ha ha ha!!!

Michelle: Thanks for coming back Tyrone!

Tyrone: Yes, ma'am.

Michelle: Have a seat. I was wondering what your feelings are for some of the Republican contenders?

Tyrone: Are you sure you want my opinion? The last time, I felt a bit uncomfortable.

Michelle: No problem. Speak your mind!

Tyrone: Well, I think Perry is just a younger George Bush. I hope we don't go down that road again.

Barack: What about Romney?

Michelle: (sarcastically) Oh, so now you are interested in what Tyrone has to say?

Barack: (waves hand at Michelle) Go on, Tyrone.

Tyrone: And Romney is a liberal in disguise - no offense to liberals.

Barack: (coughs while drinking coffee)

Michelle: Interesting. What about Ron Paul?

Tyrone: The equivalent of Ross Perot. A has-been.

Michelle: Ha ha ha!!

Barack: And Bachmann?

Tyrone: Well, if my child got sick and needed the HPV vaccine, I wouldn't go to her!

Barack: Ha ha ha!!!

Michelle: Ha ha ha!!!

Tyrone: Now, Herman Cain, is a good candidate.

Barack: (stops laughing) Oh, why is that Tyrone?

Tyrone: (glances over at Michelle)

Michelle: Go ahead, Tyrone. The President isn't thin-skinned. Are you "touchy?"

Barack: Michelle!

Tyrone: Herman Cain is a breath of fresh air. He is non-political, served admirably in the military, was an outstanding businessman and wants this country to move forward.

Barack: Herman Cain avoided the civil rights movement, denies that black's are still being discriminated against and ran a pizza operation. The guy is a Clarence Thomas cloned, new-aged Uncle Tom!

Michelle: Well, I agree that as a conservative, Herman Cain can't adequately represent the American People. But how many demonstrations did you march in, Barack? And what business did you turn around and make profitable? And weren't you yelling at black people the other day telling them to stop crying and complaining?

Barack: Well...

Michelle: Well is for water!!

Barack: Well, you asked me earlier why I was smiling. I figured you would trick Tyrone into enticing me, so I called your friend Leroy to help me out!

Michelle: (shocked) You called Leroy?

Barack: Damn, right! He told me just how to handle Herman Cain. Yep, he said that all I need to do is use a combination of ebonics and a derivation of his name and I could make fun of him!

Michelle: (still shocked)

Barack: This is what Leroy said...

Michelle: Barack...

Barack: Yo! Dude is sweet! In da hood he is known as (Herman) Sugar CAIN!

Michelle: Ummm...

Barack: Man, I feel like gettin' high! I'm goin' to get me some (Herman) Crack CoCAIN! Is you down wif dat?

Michelle: (slumps in seat)

Barack: Gurl, I had to go to da dentist today. Mah teef hurt bad. Glad he used some (Herman) NovoCAIN!

Tyrone: (leaves to check on breakfast)

Barack: Mah gurlfrind is phat. Her thighs rub together when she walks. Now she itchin'. I got's ta git her some (Herman) LanaCAIN at da store!

Michelle: Barack!

Barack: Man, mah wifey said I ijakulate too fass. She told me ta git the condoms that got (Herman) BenzoCAIN!

Tyrone: Breakfast is served!

Michelle: I'm going to kill Leroy!

Barack: (laughing hysterically)

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough