The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #23

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 23 in the series.

Barack: (entering the White House kitchen) Good morning, Michelle! What are you doing?

Michelle: Thinking of a new travel destination. You know I have been criticized for my excessive travel!

Barack: Yeah, I know.

Michelle: Like, I can't go and visit my brother and his family. And take my daughter and mother along. It's that double standard that still bothers me. Some of it is steeped in ignorance and some in racism.

Barack: Racism, Michelle? I don't know.

Michelle: Hell yes, racism! Laura Bush got a $700.00 haircut for the 2005 inauguration. Not much was said about that! Laura Bush went on vacation and took her girlfriends and an entourage of 25 people. Not much said about that. And it cost the taxpayers $20 million dollars flying the Bushes back and forth to their vacation home in Crawford, Texas.

Barack: True.

Michelle: True. But my black ass is supposed to stay in Washington and sit around and eat fried chicken!

Barack: (breaks into hysterical laugh)

Michelle: You're laughing. I'm not!

Barack: (continues to snicker) I'm sorry!

Michelle: Yeah, right. Bush spent almost 500 days at his Texas ranch and almost 500 days hanging out at Camp David! I wasn't elected to an office, you were. I will go on vacation when I like and I will visit my family when I like. It's OK for the white man to take as many vacations as he wants. But let a non-elected black woman take a vacation, hell breaks loose.

Barack: I understand. I was elected, not you. And it is unfair for people to take political shots at you. Things cost money. I guess you are supposed to fly around the country with no security and no aides.

Michelle: Right!

Barack: And if you were to take the girls to Burger King, people would criticize you for the expense surrounding that outing.

Michelle: Yeah, and they would say that I was being lavish in buying my kids a meal when the economy is depressed.

Barack: Michelle! Shhhhh...remember we don't use the "D" word around here!

Michelle: Barack...stuff it! See, this is why many black's and Latino's can't stand these conservatives and Tea Party people. Hypocrisy! When white people do stuff, it is OK. When black people do stuff, its over-analyzed, seen in a different light - a black light - and marginalized.

Barack: Well, Michelle, I don't think it is a white/black issue entirely. I mean...

Michelle: Niggah, please! Sometimes white people have selective memory. They stole this land from the American Indians and turn red in the face when Mexicans cross the border for a better life. Black people still have not totally recovered from the effects of many whites and their ancestors' ignorance, racism, silence and hatred, yet, we are not supposed to complain when obvious prejudice and discrimination slaps us in the face.

Barack: Well, true, but the country has moved forward. I mean look at us, in the White House. First black president.

Michelle: That earns you another 'Niggah please!' John Hanson was the first president, let alone black president and Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Jackson, Warren Harding and Calvin Coolidge hid their African ancestry. Look it up!

Barack: I am sorry this has upset you so!

Michelle: I'm not upset, just venting! And remember their rule. If you have one drop of "black" blood, you 'sho is a Kneegrow!' Which now brings me to the movie "The Help."

Barack: I was grateful to have that special White House viewing of the movie.

Michelle: So was I. But the point I am trying to make is that some things change and some things remain the same. The events in this movie were not long ago. The 1960's were not long ago, Barack! Many whites are still telling lies on black people or sitting in silence when it comes to black people, so that they can keep their status among their white friends and neighbors.

Barack: But not all white people...

Michelle: I did not say all, I said many! See, racism and discrimination is cloaked in masterfully written words and nice smiles. Remember that part towards the end of the movie when the maid had been accused of stealing? Her employer knew that she didn't steal a thing, but stood there in silence while her friend leveled false accusations.

Barack: That was hard to watch. Then she fired her - after this maid had spent all of those years cooking and cleaning and raising her children.

Michelle: Exactly.

Barack: Yeah and when Cicely Tyson's character was fired after being with that family all of her life. Fired in one day, just because that white lady needed to play the society part in front of her friends. Cicely Tyson's character died of a broken heart. I was moved to tears.

Michelle: Yeah, I saw you, crybaby!

Barack: Don't you tell anybody!

Michelle: Please! You have been seen crying before! Or were you faking it?

Barack: Stop!

Michelle: Remember that part where they built a separate toilet for the black maids because they carry "diseases?"

Barack: Yeah! Black people can't sit on your toilets because they carry diseases, but they can cook your food and take care of your children! Ridiculous!

Michelle: So, when you were running for election and I said that for the first time in my adult life I was proud of my country, it had to do with the effort of many people of different races coming together in support of your election.

Barack: I know. People were using that to attack you.

Michelle: Yep. And while I am proud of many things this nation has accomplished, I am not proud of the theft of land this nation committed against the American Indians. I am not proud of slavery and the vestiges of racism and discrimination that still exist. I am not proud that this nation has led its people into unnecessary wars. I am not proud of the political assassinations of politicians and the character assassinations on black men and women. And as a woman, I am not proud of the way women have been treated.

Barack: I hear you.

Michelle: I am proud of my education, profession and the accomplishment of reaching the White House with you. But I don't need anybody, white, black or otherwise telling me what I should be proud of.

Barack: I talked to a friend the other day that went to a public movie theatre to see it. He said the whites that he could see appeared very uncomfortable with the scenes of deliberate racism, but roared at the humorous scenes involving the black maids.

Michelle: It should have been uncomfortable. As long as we are singing,dancing, throwing a ball around or telling jokes, we are wonderful. As soon as we start making decisions, policies and leading, we are criticized and ostracized.

Barack: Yeah, I know.

Michelle: I don't care about being criticized. As a black person, we are criticized the moment we are born. I don't care for the hypocrisy. If it was alright for Laura, Hillary, Barbara, Nancy, Rosalynn, Betty, Pat, Lady Bird and on and on, don't start making separate rules for me.

Barack: I agree!

Michelle: The world is filled with many whites that truly don't let prejudice and racism lead them in their actions, thoughts and words. Many are our friends and I love them.

Barack: I know. Not everyone is the same. There are bad people and those with agendas in all races.

Michelle: Yeah. It's those vicious, evil ones that play lip service to race relations when their agenda is for black folks to be back on a plantation...criticizing us for a "black liberation theology" while they saunter off to their separated and segregated churches! Soon as a black person walks in, they start staring and whispering and gossiping! Sure would be a rude awakening on judgment day when they awaken from the grave and find out God has an afro, has a slice of watermelon in front of him and has a love for grape soda and purple Cadillacs!

Barack: (laughing hysterically) Michelle, you are too funny! I'm surprised you didn't mention fried chicken!

Michelle: (laughing) God doesn't seems to be into fried chicken. And certainly not hogmog, fatback, chitlins, pork loins and hotlinks. He seems to be more into salads and fruit! Ha ha ha!!!

Barack: I think it is really great that we can have these private conversations. You know, a lot of white people wouldn't be able to handle the truth of what black people have to say, just like in the movie. From all the unnecessary flack and challenges, I am sure some see us as "The Help."

Michelle: Well, hopefully, many will go to see the movie. Maybe they will see the similarities in how we were treated in the 1960's and how we are today. Yes, in many ways different. But, in many ways, the same. No whips, chains and ropes. Just words and better technology.

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time! - Dexter Yarbrough

Copyright 2011.