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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #20

Updated on October 24, 2011

June 15, 2011 - Foot and Mouth Disease

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 20 in the series.

Michelle: [hands on hips - head, neck and shoulders swiveling with attitude] How dare you, Barack? How stupid can you be?

Barack: Now, Michelle. Calm down.

Michelle: Stupid, stupid, stupid! [a Secret Service Agent quickly peeks into the White House kitchen]

Barack: [to the SSA] Everything is OK.

Michelle: The hell it is! You stuck your foot in your mouth again!

Barack: Michelle, please stop yelling.

Michelle: I have told you repeatedly to stick to the script!

Barack: I know but Ann Curry caught me off guard with that question.

Michelle: Are you sure you were trained to be an attorney? What do you mean caught off guard? You could have simply said, 'no.'

Barack: Well, uh....

Michelle: And where do you get off making statements about the family without talking to me first?

Barack: What are you talking about?

Michelle: You nut! I'll quote what you said on the TODAY show. “Michelle and the kids are wonderful in that if I said, ‘You know what guys, I want to do something different,’ they would be fine,’’ you said. “They’re not invested in daddy being president or my husband being president ... If family is doing well and Michelle is still putting up with me, then I've got enough energy to keep doing the work that I’m doing.’’


Barack: What's wrong with what I said?

Michelle: What's wrong is that I never told you I wasn't invested in you being president. If I wasn't invested, I would not be here. This family has been through hell for the last 4 years of campaigning and you being president. I would call that being invested.

Barack: Well, what I was saying is that...

Michelle: No! What you did once again is put your mouth in motion before putting your mind in gear!

Barack: Michelle, that's not a nice thing to say.

Michelle: We are "not invested" is a dumb thing to say! [begins to walk away]

Barack: [holds Michelle's arm] Stick a foot in it Michelle!

Michelle: [looks at Barack's hand on her arm and then looks in his eyes] Niggah, have you lost yo' mind?

Barack: [releases Michelle's arm] I was simply trying to say that the family is supportive of me if I decided that one term was enough.

Michelle: See, that is your problem, Barack. It is not just about you. It is about getting this country back on track. I am invested in you. Our daughters are invested in you. The voters invested in you. You see, it is about this high-ass unemployment rate, people losing their homes and these high-ass gas prices my girlfriends keep texting me about and....

Barack: I am aware of this, Michelle...

Michelle: Shut up, Barack! I am not done!

Barack: Shut up?

Michelle: Is there an echo in here?!

Barack: Who are you telling to shut up?!

Michelle: [looks around the room] Do you see anyone else in this room?

Barack: Now you listen here, woman!

Michelle: Don't you give me that "woman" jazz!

Barack: Don't you give me that jazz, woman!

Michelle: Ohhh, so you baaaddd now, huh, Mr. President?!

Barack: [silent]

Michelle: [breathing heavily, still angry]

Barack: [begins laughing] I haven't seen you this mad since that time about 10 years ago at Ed Debevic's restaurant in Chicago.

Michelle: [still angry] What are you talking about?

Barack: When the waitress came to our table. She smiled at me and then frowned at you and asked, 'What the hell do you want?'

Michelle: That heifer was rude!

Barack: Yeah, that is the theme of the restaurant, Michelle! The waitresses are "paid" to be rude.

Michelle: You should have told me that!

Barack: Yes, I should have because you grabbed that lady's hair and almost snatched her bald-headed! [laughing hysterically]

Michelle: Ha ha ha! It didn't matter! Her hair was so short, you could see her thinking! [also laughing hysterically]

Barack: But seriously, Michelle, I was just stating that if I just wanted one term, it would be alright. I also backed it up by saying, in so many words, that we are in it to win it.

Michelle: What you did was give your enemies and wavering supporters ammunition to either attack or jump the fence.

Barack: By what I said?

Michelle: Your choice of words, Barack! Your poor choice of words! Ask your advisers! We didn't "invest" in you for one term.

Barack: Alright. You still love me?

Michelle: Of course. But as I head off to my meeting, let me leave you with these words that Momma use to tell me when I got sassy with her.

Barack: And what would those words be?

Michelle: "Don't let your mouth write a check that your behind can't cover!"

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time! - Dexter Yarbrough

Copyright 2011.

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