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The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #19

Updated on February 6, 2013

June 7, 2011 - Highs and Lows

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 19 in the series.

Michelle: [ Watching TV as Barack walks into the White House kitchen] What is with you men and these online affairs? Sending photos in emails and tweeting stuff! What is up with you men?

Barack: Well, good morning and how are you?

Michelle: Fine. Sorry.

Barack: What is the issue now?

Michelle: You men and these affairs! I'm watching the latest on Tony Wiener tweeting his wiener and other body parts. That is so low. Men!

Barack: Well, Michelle...

Michelle: He isn't the only one! Do I need to name others? That Republican - Christopher Lee, Eliot Spitzer, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Arnold Schwarzenegger! And now Weiner. Should I continue? They all must have been high!

Barack: Michelle, if a white person were to say that all black people eat watermelon and drink grape pop, would you accept that?

Michelle: Of course not! I know black people that don't even like watermelon, let alone grape pop.

Barack: And not all men are having affairs, nor do we like to be connected to such activity, just because some have done so.

Michelle: Well...

Barack: And one thing that always confounds me when "men" are caught up in these "affairs." Not all, but many women are quick to denounce these men, but conveniently forget that they were having affairs with "women." These "other women" are not victims and the women that portray them as such need to stop the B.S.

Michelle: I meant that...

Barack: I know what you meant. But women are not second class citizens in this society. Women have the ability to be as conniving and deceitful as men, if not more. And many women are having affairs as well. Where is all the outrage against the "other woman." Or do they get a pass? It's unfair, Michelle!

Michelle: Alright. You made your point. Look at Wiener on TV [Michelle points to news report]. Every time I think about him, Oscar Mayer Wieners come to mind. Ha ha ha!

Barack: Ha ha ha!! I know Tony well. Seriously though, I feel for him.

Michelle: He must be feeling pretty low. He looks sick.

Barack: It's just indigestion. It comes from eating his own words.

Michelle: Well, YOUR face doesn't look all that pleasant this morning. Could it be the jobs report that came out?

Barack: No!

Michelle: How about the low ratings on the economy that just came out? You're back to where you were before Osama was killed.

Barack: No!

Michelle: Oh? What about all the economic advisers that have left the administration within months of one another - Goolsbee, Bernstein, Rouse, Volcker, Summers, Romer, Orszag.

Barack: Michelle...

Michelle: So, you aren't singing "Another One Bites the Dust" this morning, huh?

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Barack: Silence is golden, Michelle!

Michelle: You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo! You're getting a cavity in your brain!

Barack: I don't see the point in...

Michelle: Well, you should trade those eyes that see not for some lips that swell not! [One hand on hip, while shaking a fist in Barack's face, playfully]

Barack: Michelle, I am just trying to figure out how to move forward. We have some real challenges ahead.

Michelle: Unemployment is high! You've got to get people back to work and small businesses need to open. Americans of all stripes have to work together.

Barack: True.

Michelle: Just think - if a Mexican and a black open a restaurant they can call it Nacho Momma! Yeah, instead of chicken tacos, how about fried chicken and tacos? Or you can substitute black eye peas for frijoles negros, tortillas, chitlin's and watermelon fruit salad. With a side of green salsa!

Barack: Michelle!

Michelle: Hey, whatever it takes to get the economy moving! You should hire federal traffic agents to patrol the Mexican border and the major cities.

Barack: How would that help?

Michelle: See, when Mexicans finally get their cars started, they gotta get where there going real fast before their car stalls again! Traffic tickets equals revenue!

Barack: Michelle! That's awful!

Michelle: Or you could come up with an amendment to the Constitution legalizing cocaine.

Barack: What?

Michelle: Yeah, dummy. Then you can tax it. I guarantee it will get the economy moving. In the black communities, you can set it up like a fast food joint! Yeah, call it "Crack in the Box." People will be lined up! Ha ha ha!!

Barack: Michelle! The Secret Service is near!

Michelle: So what? Since this is a capitalist nation - until you make it a socialist nation - you need to spark competition. Across the street from "Crack in the Box" have a "CrackDonalds!" Yeah! Have a sign on it "Over 20 Billion Served!"

Barack: Oh, so you only want to spark the economy off the backs of the urban poor, huh?

Michelle: No! They already have them in the white, rural communities - "Cracker Barrel!" White folks sit at a huge table and pass the crack pipe around, along with the homemade beef stew and cole slaw - with corn muffins, of course!

Barack: Oh, God!

Michelle: And for the wealthier areas, I say a federal joint venture with Starbucks. The upper class snobs can have a "Mocha Crackuccino" as they nibble on their pastries and drive off in their BMW's.

Barack: From the sublime to the ridiculous!

Michelle: Just like your latest approval ratings.

Barack: What is that supposed to mean?

Michelle: The nation might as well be high - on somethin', because you are at a new low. Want a hit?

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough


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