The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #18

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Series number eighteen.

Michelle: I am still getting over that European trip.

Barack: Me too. The Memorial Day weekend festivities, visiting Joplin, Missouri. Man, I am tired.

Michelle: What was your favorite part of the trip?

Barack: Ireland of course! What a welcome. And I really enjoyed Moneygall. That beer was delicious.

Michelle: That beer was disgusting! I really enjoyed being at Buckingham Palace. The Queen was so nice to us. And I appreciate the apology from Prince William for not inviting us to his wedding.

Barack: Yeah! I was really embarrassed when I was giving the toast to the Queen and that dumb band interrupted me.

Michelle: You could see the embarrassment on your face. Actually, you looked pissed. It was kind of funny!

Barack: Oh, yeah. Well you should have seen your face when you tripped on the carpet while holding out your hand to the Queen. She looked at you like you had just let go of a stinky. Ha ha ha!

Michelle: She did not!

Barack: Yes. She did!

Michelle: Even though I liked Buckingham Palace, it is a cold place. I could never live there full time. I didn't get much sleep. It seemed like ghosts were hovering above my bed.

Barack: Well, I enjoyed the warm welcome at Westminster Hall!

Michelle: I'm just glad you watched your mouth and stuck to the script.

Barack: Here we go again. Michelle it was a good trip! Things went well in France and Poland...

Michelle: Don't even go there Barack! Lech Walesa wouldn't even meet with you! Fat bastard! He looks like the inside of a polska kielbasa!

Barack: Now Michelle. You can't let anyone hear you say that. President Walesa said he had plans to visit Italy and that we could meet another time.

Michelle: No! He said, and I quote "I expect this meeting would only amount to a photo opportunity." Snubbed again, Barack. This time by that pierogi!

Barack: Pierogi?

Michelle: Yes. Fried dumpling stuffed with potato filling!

Barack: C'mon Michelle! Chicago has a large Polish population and many are supporters.

Michelle: I'm not talking about Chicago. In Poland, our greeting was lukewarm at best. Unlike in Ireland, France and Great Britain.

Barack: I think the media is just trying to play up the exclusion of Poland from the US visa waiver program. I have Hilary working on it.

Michelle: Yeah, right.

Barack: Michelle, sometimes your criticisms go in one ear and out the other.

Michelle: That's because you don't have anything in your head to slow it down! (hands on hips, head, neck and eyes rolling)

Barack: Well, what has really been on my mind is the folks in Joplin. What a tragedy. Some people have lost everything. This has been a bad season for floods and tornadoes.

Michelle: It has. I am glad you went there and will speed up federal aid to that area. God be with those people. I see that Sarah Palin and Donald Trump met in New York.

Barack: Really? Did someone instruct her that New York is on the east coast and not north of California? Ha ha ha!!! Trump and Palin couldn't have had much of a conversation. I don't think Sarah knows any words with more than five letters. This is going to be an easy election.

Michelle: But the economy still hasn't come back yet. Don't forget Bush in 1992. He thought he was in a good position. Well, 'Healer-in-Chief' you did have a bit of good news with the Census Report, huh?

Barack: Yeah, the conservatives are getting mighty nervous. The Hispanic population is growing at a faster rate than any other demographic. In 2004, 5.1 million Hispanics voted for Democratic candidates, 4.3 million for Republicans. In 2008, the ratio changed, with 7.8 million voting Democratic and 3.6 million voting Republican. Every 30 seconds a Hispanic person turns 18. Texas will be mine!

Michelle: Well, I am thrilled by the Hispanic numbers. Good news for sure!

Barack: Yep. So while the conservatives debate my birth certificate and other ridiculous things and want to build their fence along the borders, our Hispanic friends are watching their nonsense and registering as Democrats. Yessss!!! I mean, the Republicans don't even have a plan to defeat me. If the best they have is a birth certificate, I advise them to listen to the words of Freddy Mercury.

Michelle: Oh? What would those words be?

Barack: (Barack begins singing) "Another one bites the dust! Another one bites the dust! Another one bites the dust! Another one bites the dust! There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man, And bring him to the ground. You can beat him, you can cheat him, you can treat him bad and leave him when he's down, yeah. But I'm ready, yes, I'm ready for you, I'm standing on my own two feet. Out of the doorway the bullets rip, repeating to the sound of the beat! Yeah! Another one bites the dust! Another one bites the dust! And another one gone and another one gone, another one bites the dust! Yeah! Hey! I'm gonna get you too! Another one bites the dust! Shoota!" (end of singing)

Michelle: Your singing is worse than your dancing!

Barack: (singing again) Palin - another one bites the dust! Trump - another one bites the dust! Pawlenty - another one bites the dust! Cain - another one bites the dust! Bachmann - another one bites the dust! Romney - another one bites the dust! Shoota! (end of singing)

Michelle: (rolls her eyes) Oh, God!

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough